Lately, it has seemed hard just to find the time to do much of anything that doesn't involve... well, a lot of things.
First of all, I want to go back to October third, the third anniversary of Lucas' death.
So many people from all around the world joined in to celebrate his life, and i couldn't have been more proud of him, or more grateful to you.
The evening before The Lights for Lucas celebration,
I was home alone. I sat and cried in the dark, reading One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp, and asking God why He chooses to bless me when my doubt is so ugly.
The next morning i was tired.
My eyes were bloodshot and puffy.
I rose early, with the sun still sunk below the horizon
and lit my candles for Lucas.
The flames blazed in the darkness of the house,
burning quietly as they flickered and licked shadows and walls.
I thought about last year, and the things i know about my son that i didn't know then - like that his grave is in an open field of grass and goats, surrounded by hundred of others just like it, and there isn't a big shade tree to cover it, and there is no mound of red dirt. Just weeds and ants and dying dogs.
Throughout the day i received pictures of candles
and for a day that could have been terribly lonely - it wasn't.
It amazes me every day to see the lives that have been touched by Lucas. The success of The Lucas Legacy is a great testament to that.
Sometimes my bones ache with a tiredness i know
only comes from loss.
But, sometimes, that loss doesn't feel so heavy -
especially when i realize it isn't a burden i carry alone.
Again, Thank You,
with The Lucas Legacy Team